I Heart Swords!
by ExistenceIsFutile23
Summary: Yuffie steals Cloud's buster sword. There's pillow fights, foul mouthed janitors, and Ansem says Submit! OMG! Auron and Zexion have fun and think about Organization XIII. rated for language.


Before I get too far, in this story i've put the characters in a hotel staying for a vacation. the characters are:

Room 1- Sora & Riku

Room 2- Axel & Zexion

Room 3- Kairi & Namine

Room 4- Cloud & Auron

Room 5- Larxene & Yuffie ( much to Larxen's annoyance)

---Staff---

Hotel Manager- ???

Bell Boy- Ansem

Cooks- Wakka, Tifa and Roxas

Janitor- Cid

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters. blah blah blah.

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**I Heart Swords!**

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Now she had crossed the boldly defined line.

He was going around to each person and interrogating them with a furious vigour.

**Namine:**This is the maddest i've ever seen him!

**Sora:** Well he treats his sword like it's his second penis...

Everyone laughed at this. They were all in Axel and Zexion's room except for Auron, Zexion and Yuffie.

**Riku:**Hey. Where are Auron and Zex?

**Sora:**Haha you said 'Zex'...

**Larxene:**Auron gave Zexion some wierd alcohal and now they're drunk wandering around.

**Axel:**Wait! Yuffie stole that big ass sword Cloud carries around like it's nothin?!

**Sora:**Haha you said 'ass'...

**Kairi:**Shut up Sora, and yes, she stole it while he was in the shower and said she was "a REAL ninja now!".

Everyone laughed again and Cloud left the room muttering. He was going to go down to the main floor to talk to the manager.

**Cloud:**I'm not talking to that wierd bell boy again!

Cloud had come down yesterday to ask the bell hop for a plunger and all he had said when Cloud kept asking was: "Submit!" or "Darkness!".

**Cloud:** I wonder who the manager is...

**--- Meanwhile in the bar ---**

**Zexion:**Hey, Listen. Listen. Listen. Is my hair okay? I sp-spent a long time on it. do you think the boys will like it?

**Auron:**What? Hahaha... you- you're crazy man... Hahahaha

**Zexion:** I said do you think the girls will like it? I just threw it together...(starting to fall asleep) Didn't spend a long time.. on it...(falls asleep on bar)

**Auron:**'hick' My friend will have another waiter! Hahaha...

Zexion wakes up suddenly.

**Zexion:**OMG! His name is 'Mansex'!!!

**Auron:**Whaaa? Hahaha... you're c-crazy again man... Hahahaha...

**--- Back to Cloud ---**

Cloud walks up to Cid, the janitor, who is mopping with a cigarette in his mouth.

**Cloud:** Hey, have you seen a girl with a big sword?

**Cid:** Fuck off. Workin'.

**Cloud:** Well if you see her will you tell me?

**Cid:** Fuck you. Bitch...

Cloud walks away.

**Cloud:** Dick...

**--- Lobby ---**

**Cloud:** Shit! YOU'RE the manager?!

**Sephiroth:** No need for cursing now. I thought we could go about this in a reasonable manner and put aside our respective differences.

**Cloud:** Are you on meth?

**Sephiroth:** ***sigh*** What do you need clod- I mean Cloud?

**Cloud:** Have you seen Yuffie?

**Sephiroth:** The annoying one? Uh... no. No I haven't

**Cloud:** Well If you do, give her a good stab for me or something...

**Sephiroth:** Fine. Goodbye spiky.

Cloud just walked down the stairs after giving Sephiroth an 'Are you on meth?' look. Sephiroth turned and changed the music playing in the empty lobby to 'One Winged Angel'. Cloud just sighed and entered the kitchens.

**--- Axel & Zexion's room ---**

**Namine:** Lets have a pillow fight!

**Sora & Larxene:** 'Squeee!' Okay!

Everyone looks at them with their mouths partially open.

**Larxene:** I... don't feel good... but if you all want to, I guess I could tolerate a stupid pillow fight.

Everyone turned to Sora who was bright red.

**Sora:** I uh... Wanted to see Kairi and Namine go at it. Yeah that's it!

They all shrugged and mumbled in agreement that that was a perfectly acceptable answer.

**Riku:** Oh yeah, me too.

Axel whacked Kairi in the face with his own special pillow with... yes, flames on it.

**Axel:** Got ya!! Hee hee hee!

**Riku:** Hey guys! who am I? "Chaos"!!!

He swung his pillow to hit Sora with a face that looked like he was constipated.

**Namine:** Hahaha! Wait, who am I? "Thunder"!

She said this with a very precise Donald Duck impersonation and threw her pillow at Axel.

**Larxene:** Oh! I got one, "Omnislash'!! Oh wait, my ginormous sword is gone!!!

**Kairi:** Ha! Poor cloud.

**Sora:** I really do think that sword is compensation for his 'shortcomings' though... You know, like a guy with a big truck.

**Namine, Kairi & Larxen:** Oh no it's not!

they all stare at them and the three look at each other.

**Kairi:** I saw him in the shower once on accident!

**Larxene:** I saw him in the sauna once on accident!

**Namine:** I don't know what you're all on about, I just saw him naked!

**Axel:** Uh, back to the pillow fight!

**Riku:** Yeah! got ya Namine!

**Namine:** Ow my boob!

**Sora:** Got ya Kairi!

**Kairi:** Sora quit grabbing me there...

**Axel:** Got ya Larxen!

She zaps him.

**Axel:** aww man...

**Larxene:** Get THAT memorized!

**--- In the Kitchens ---**

**Cloud:** I found you!

**Yuffie:** Ah! Ninja smokescreen!

She threw the hamburger she was eating at him, which fell ten feet away from him.

**Yuffie:** Uh... Sorry?

**Cloud:** .It?!

**Yuffie:** I ate it? heh heh heh...

**Cloud:** WHERE IS IT?!

**Yuffie:** here! It's too big and clunky anyways!

She ran off upstairs.

**Cloud:** It's not clunky! I finally have you back my precious...

Suddenly the doors burst open from the walls opposite him and the cooking areas. Sora and Riku enter from each one and the game's battle music starts playing.

**Sora:** I'm HUNGRY!... For whoopin' ass!

**Riku:** That really sucked...

**Cloud:** Yeah man, way to ruin the dramatic scene.

They all start fighting. the fight reaches the cooking area and Wakka, Tifa and Roxas all run out screaming high pitched.

**Cloud:** Hyah! Swords, Kyaa! Are, Uhgh! Awesome!

**Riku & Sora:** Yeah! Hyah!

**--- Later that night ---**

Everyone is in their rooms.

**Sephiroth:** Go down to the damn kitchens and help Wakka clean up that mess! Curse that Sora and Riku and especially CLOUD for sword fighting in there!

**Ansem:** Submit!

**Sephiroth:** Ahhhhh! Just go! NOW!

**Ansem:** Submit!

**Ansem:** Darkness!

**Ansem:** Submit!

**Sephiroth:** ... ***stabs him in the chest***

**Ansem:** Sub...mit... I'll be back! For some random reason...

**--- Cloud & Auron's room ---**

There's a knock on the door.

**Cloud:** That must be Auron, that stupid drunk.

He answers the door and Yuffie tackles him.

**Yuffie:** Cloudy! I came to apologize!

**Cloud:** Geroff meh!

**Yuffie:** oh sorr- Are you wearing P.J.'s?!

Cloud blushes at his pajamas with buster swords all over them. His tight fitting T-shirt says "I Heart Swords!"

**Cloud:** Uh, yeah. Why don't you uh, get out?

**Yuffie:** Aww you look so cute!

She kisses his cheek and he blushes.

**--- In the bar ---**

**Zexion:** I really think some, some, some members of organizabation thirteenth are, are ya know, GAY...

**Auron:** ***Gasp!*** no way!

**Zexion:** Yeah man! There's like ONE girl, not counting Marluxia, in the whole damn GIANT castle, and she's a total bull-dike!

**Auron:** Hahaha! you are SO crazy! You're my bestest friend! Hahaha...

**Zexion:** Hey, bestie?

**Auron:** Huh?

**Zexion:** Why, why do we all have X's in our names?

**Auron:** Who?

**Zexion:** Everyone in organizabation thirteen? 'hick'

**Auron:** Ohhhhhh... It's a requirement!

**Zexion:** Really? Oh man! That's why Xemnas said I couldn't change my name to 'Gerard Way'!

**Auron:** Hee hee hee... Who's that?

**Zexion:** I... I don't know! Hahaha

**Auron:** You're crazy man... Hahaha...

**--- Cloud & Auron's room ---**

**Cloud:** Yuffie...

He had realized she was laying on top of him between his legs.

**Yuffie:** Yeah Cloud?

Suddenly Sephiroth appeared and stabbed her in the back.

**Sephiroth:** I found her Cloud! I got her! I got her!

**Yuffie:** Ahh! Last.. words... I'm the... greatest ninja... ever. ***Dies***

**Cloud:** WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY"D YOU DO THAT!

**Sephiroth:** Huh? You told me if I saw her to stab her...

**Cloud:** Awww mannnn! Shit! I was about to get some!

Sephiroth pokes her body with his sword,

**Sephiroth:** So you're not gonna finish?

**Cloud:** You're on meth...

* * *

Ahahaha! I was actually dying laughing writing this!

The whole Cid scene just randomly popped into my head when I was thinking of what characters to use.

That would suck if Yuffie really died though..

I was laughing pretty hard at the Auron/Zexion bar scenes too! lol

"Zexion: Hey, Listen. Listen. Listen. Is my hair okay? I sp-spent a long time on it. do you think the boys will like it?

Auron: What? Hahaha... you- you're crazy man... Hahahaha

Zexion: I said do you think the girls will like it? I just threw it together...(starting to fall asleep) Didn't spend a long time.. on it...(falls asleep on bar)"

Thanks for reading!

R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
